"Hey! How have you been?" You just got a perfectly innocuous text. You'd normally reply back with something like, "I'm good! Just got back from visiting my parents." (Cute.) But, you can't do that, because you have no idea who this friendly texter is.
What do you do? What do you say? Do you play along, like you totally know who this mystery person is, and risk making plans with a total rando? Relax. Here are six ways to gracefully handle a text message from an unknown sender with as little pain and embarrassment as possible — plus six things you should avoid.
Do: The Band-Aid
Get the awkward done and over with, sans guesswork. Reply back to the initial message,"I'm so sorry, I don't have your number in my phone! Who is this again?" This works for any kind of text message. It might be weird for a minute or two, but let's face it: We've all been there.
Photo: Courtesy Johnson & Johnson.
Don't: Small Talk
Don't reply back to that initial text with vague, small-talk questions like "How are you?" or "How are things?" You may still be confused as to the person's identity after 15 minutes of texting, and then it'll be super -awkward when you finally have to give up and ask who you're talking to.
Photo: Courtesy Apple.
Do: The Long-Time-No-See
When you get a random text along the lines of "OMG it's been so long!" you've got a great chance to decipher the mystery sender. Reply back with something like, "I know! When was the last time we hung out?" and the response ("I think Christmas Eve at the diner?") should clue you in to the texter's identity without any awkwardness. Or, if the response is still vague, you can hazard a guess: "Is this Crystal? I got a new phone a while back, so your number isn't in here."
Photo: Courtesy Apple.
Don't: Have A Friend Text & Ask Who This Is
It's not middle school, y'all. Instead, search the person's phone number in your email and on Facebook (if it's listed as public, it'll come up in search results), and if that doesn't work, then just resort to The Band-Aid (see the first slide). When iOS 9 comes out this fall, your phone will automatically look through your email and calendar to try to suss out the identify of an unknown caller, so that's something to look forward to.
Photographed by Mark Iantosca.
Do: Ask For A Photo
Maybe you're not sure who this is, but it is definitely someone you met on Tinder or OkCupid. He says his name is Dave, but is it the Dave you had a hilarious conversation with last week, or the Dave who tried to make a move five minutes into your date the week before? Reply with something flirty like "Let me see your face!" and hopefully, the person will send you an identity-clearing selfie in reply. (Make sure you specify face, though, and steer clear of something like "Show me what you're up to" if you want to avoid a dick pic.) If it's Awesome Dave, you're in the clear; if it's Creepy Dave, "Sorry, gotta go!"
Photographed by Mark Iantosca.
Don't: Send A Selfie First
This person sounds like someone you know, but it's possible he or she is a complete stranger, or some sort of stalker. Don't send a photo — or other identifying information about yourself (like where you are) until you're 100% sure it's someone you've met before.
Photo: Courtesy Face Tune.
Do: Check Out Their Snapchat Story
If you're lucky, they'll already have a selfie of themselves on their account without you having to ask. Even if they don't, you'll get some good context and probably be able to place them by their posts. With any luck, you'll figure out who they are and be able to text them right back. Awkwardness eliminated.
Photo: Courtesy Madeline Buxton.
Don't: Send Them A Snap
It's always annoying when you've texted someone and they choose to respond on a different social platform. It looks like a cop-out. If you're going to snap them in the hopes of getting a selfie back, it's better to ask for one in the first place. Play it cool, and keep your messages within your texts.
Photo: Courtesy Madeline Buxton.
Do: Crowdsource For The Answer
There's a pretty good chance that even if you don't have a number listed in your contacts, at least one of your friends or coworkers does. Text the number to people from a few different friend groups to cover your bases.
Photo: Courtesy Madeline Buxton.
Don't: Post The Number On Any Public Social Media Site
This might seem like a no-brainer, but in an age of social media and hacking, it's worth repeating. Don't ever publicly post a phone number, even if you're at a loss as to who's texting you. If you're friends with that person on Facebook, or they follow you on Twitter, this isn't the smoothest way to find out who they are. Plus, you're exposing their deets to people who might use that info to hack their accounts. Keep their digits private.
Photo: Courtesy Madeline Buxton.
Do: Search for their phone number on a social network.
Many social media networks, from Facebook to LinkedIn, will have users enter their phone number for contact and security reasons. This one is hit or miss — some people, even if they put in their phone number, will choose to keep it private from friends — but it's worth a shot.
Photo: Courtesy Madeline Buxton.
Don't: Pay A Third-Party Service To Find Out Who Owns A Phone Number
Some reverse phone directory services are fakes, so you could lose money for no good reason. Plus, if you're really willing to pay for someone's name, isn't it worth it at that point to just own up and ask who it is?
Photo: Courtesy Madeline Buxton.
In The Future...
While you can't prevent this from happening completely, you can minimize the chances somewhat. First, rather than deleting the numbers of old dates and partners, append "ZZZ" to the beginning of their last names so they sit at the end of your contacts list instead of among the people you actually chat with. Then, if an ex texts you out of the blue, you're prepared. And, when you add a new number to your contacts, take a second to add descriptors in the "Notes" field, like how and where you met this person, mutual friends, where he or she works, or what you chatted about before. Whew — now you'll definitely know that message was from Awesome Dave, not Creepy Dave.
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