Picture this: You're engrossed in a pretty standard fictional make-out session on screen, when suddenly the switch flips and they decide to go full-throttle. Sometimes, these sex scenes turn into steamy, awesome inspiration for your real life romps. (We've got plenty of proof. Hottest movie sex scenes ever? Check. Leading ladies giving us #orgasmgoals? Double check.) But other times, on-screen sex turns into an example of what not to do in your own boudoir. There are plenty of examples of couplings that just don't transition well into the real world, from shower scenes and hot tub sex to impromptu orgies and lovemaking amid gunfire. We've pulled together 10 tropes that are better off firmly in the realm of fantasy.
(But, if you're making some of 'em work, serious props to you and yours. Tips welcome in the comments.)
The Trope: Shower Sex
As seen in:Skyfall, Blue Valentine
Why it's a no-go offscreen: This is one of those lubrication/UTI issues. But also: It is damned slippery in there, and thusly dangerous. If you're hoping to break a bone or possibly get a head-to-tile concussion, this is a good way to do it.
Pictured: Bérénice Marlohe and Daniel Craig in Skyfall.
The Trope: Prison Sex
As seen in:Orange Is The New Black
Why it's a no-go offscreen: Yes, we're certain that the general prison populous finds a way to make this happen. But Alex and Piper just seem like they're pulling off impossible sexual feats by doing the deed all over that facility. No way would that work without getting caught and ending up in solitary confinement.
Pictured: Taylor Schilling and Laura Prepon in OITNB.
The Trope: Library Sex
As seen in:Friends, Atonement
Why it's a no-go offscreen: Raise your hand if you tried this during the undergrad years? If you didn't, we've got news for you: It was dusty as hell, and the people searching for obscure titles definitely saw you and probably told the librarian. If you're wondering why there are random seemingly punitive charges still on your student account, this might be it.
Pictured: Sarah Murdoch and David Schwimmer in Friends.
The Trope: Pool Sex
As seen in: Showgirls, Spring Breakers
Why it's a no-go offscreen: Sure, pool play seems sexy. But all that water really just ends up robbing you of natural lubrication. Really, what's happening onscreen is the origin story for a serious urinary tract infection, which officially does not turn us on. Ouch.
Pictured: Elizabeth Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan in Showgirls.
The Trope: Murder Sex
As seen in:Gone Girl, American Horror Story: Hotel, Basic Instinct
Why it's a no-go offscreen: Let the record show that the reason this should not translate to real life is because it is totally illegal and inarguably not cool. Love: not lethal weapons.
Pictured: Rosamund Pike and Neil Patrick Harris in Gone Girl.
The Trope: Impromptu Orgies
As seen in:The Overnight, Love Actually
Why it's a no-go offscreen: An intimate dinner with the people you met in the park after moving to a new 'hood? Maybe a good idea. Putting your elementary school age kiddos to bed upstairs so you can explore the ins-and-outs of a foursome? Meh. Not only is that unrealistic, it's also likely to scar the kid who comes downstairs for a glass of water for life. If you're going to have a couples hookup, maybe plan it for a night when you've actually got the house to yourselves.
Pictured: Taylor Schilling, Judith Godrèche, Jason Schwartzman, and Adam Scott in The Overnight.
The Trope: Alley Sex
As seen in:9 1/2 Weeks, Mad Men
Why it's a no-go offscreen: Um, germs much? There is no way we would allow our bare bottoms to touch the grimy buildings of pretty much any city in America. This might be worse than bathroom stall sex, and that's saying something.
Pictured: Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 Weeks.
The Trope: Sex & Gunfire
As seen in:Shoot 'Em Up, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Why it's a no-go offscreen: It's hard enough to climax when that's the only thing you have to think about. But when there's bullets flying at your naked bodies? Not gonna happen.
Pictured: Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci in Shoot 'Em Up.
The Trope: Secret Party Sex
As seen in:Atonement, Can't Hardly Wait
Why it's a no-go offscreen: Sure, we've all thought about sneaking off during a party and getting it on while everyone is is still munching on hors d'oeuvres. But getting caught is pretty much a foregone conclusion, and these days that's an inevitability we'd prefer to sidestep.
Pictured: Keira Knightley and James McAvoy in Atonement.
The Trope: Buddy Sex
As seen in:Friends with Benefits, Sex and the City, No Strings Attached
Why it's a no-go offscreen: Clearly, this is a thing that does happen in real life. But does it happen super seamlessly, ending with involved parties realizing they're nuts about one another? No, it typically does not. If you're looking for a great way to make your friendships more complicated though, definitely try out this trope.
Pictured: Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake in Friends with Benefits.
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