When it comes to penises, we’re often told that bigger is better — but in reality, that's far from the truth. In fact, studies suggest that, other than than a boost in confidence, larger penises don't afford the men who have them with any extra prowess in the bedroom.
And confidence? Well, that can be learned.
The truth is, no matter what someone’s penis size, creativity and a willingness to experiment can be key. But there are some positions and techniques that are specially suited for various sizes of penises (even the Kama Sutra touts this).
So for those of you who have sex with people who have penises, we consulted four experts on the art and science of pleasure: Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, head researcher and professor of human sexuality at New York University; Kenneth Play, a sex educator based in Brooklyn who leads workshops on kink and pleasure; Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure; and Alfred Kendrick, a personal trainer who specializes in workouts that improve your sex life. They’ve helped us create a handy guide of sex positions and tricks that will finally lay the “small” penis stereotype to rest.
Forget your preconceived notions of penis size and read on for the positions, tools, and moves you may want to try with a male partner — not despite his small penis, but because of it. (And hey, these can totally be tried with a trusty strap-on, too!)
The gap between what we learned in sex ed and what we're learning through sexual experience is big — way too big. So we're helping to connect those dots by talking about the realities of sex, from how it's done to how to make sure it's consensual, safe, healthy, and pleasurable all at once. Check out more, here.
Flexed Doggy Style
Start with doggy style, where you are on your hands and knees and your partner is kneeling behind you. Then, drop your chest and head to the bed and tilt your butt up in the air — the more you curve your back, the better. Then, your partner moves his knees a couple inches back so he can tilt his pelvis forward.
"In that position, the guy is able to push his hips forwards enough to penetrate [his partner]," Kendrick says.
Illustrated by Paola Delucca
Just like you hope your partner will appreciate you for more than your breasts, butt, or mouth, there’s a lot more to sex with a man than meets the eye. According to a 2015 estimate by Esquire, the average penis size is 5.16 inches. Not six. Not seven. Definitely not eight. So before you eye a man’s penis with disappointment, ask yourself if you’re comparing it to your favorite porn performer (or GIF), and if that is even fair. (It’s not.) Also, ask yourself if you truly prefer a larger penis or if that is what you assumed you prefer because of cultural messaging.
"If the measure of a lover was solely based on the size of a guy’s penis, then you could buy a big dildo and have the best lover in the world," Play says. "And yet, we sell way more vibrators than dildos."
That’s not to say size doesn’t matter at all — there’s just not a default preference.
"There’s nothing that works for everyone," Dr. Vrangalova says. "There are just certain patterns. It about figuring out what works for your body, and working with that."
In fact, many women prefer smaller penises.
"You can have a penis that is too small for the vagina it’s going into or too large," says Dr. Vrangalova. "Some women like cervical stimulation, while there are women who hate it."
That is to say, if his penis hitting the back of your vagina makes you squirm — in a bad way — you might have a more pleasurable experience with a smaller size.
Illustrated by Paola Delucca
Propped Reverse Cowgirl
In this position, your partner is lying down with a pillow underneath his butt (this will press his hips forward and expose more of the penis) and you’re sitting on top of him but facing toward his feet.
"The great thing about it is that the [person on top] can control the movement of [their] pleasure," Kendrick says. "In a normal position, the legs would get in the way."
Illustrated by Paola Delucca
Props like wedge pillows and ice cubes can be game-changers. You likely have them around the house already. But sometimes, it’s fun to invest in some sex-specific props.
Play’s "personal sex hack" is using a yoga hammock. This silky system will suspend you at whatever height you choose (his hip height, for example) without making you dig your tailbone into a hard table. You can hold onto the sides for leverage or lift your legs up and tuck them into the sides. Plus, it allows your partner to easily swivel you around.
"Also, you can add some bondage play with bondage tape for a creative suspension play," Play says. "It’s easy and fun." (Both he and Dr. Vrangalova recommend this tape.)
Illustrated by Paola Delucca
Side Cowgirl
Again, you are in cowgirl (no pillow under your partner’s butt this time) and you simply swing your legs over to one side, with your hands behind you on the other side of your partner’s body.
"Your butt cheeks and [thighs] will drop down in the crevice in his legs, allowing for much deeper penetration," Kendrick says.
Illustrated by Paola Delucca
Ask any sexually active woman about her best heterosexual experience, ever, and she likely won’t describe the way the man’s penis looked, but rather, the way he looked at her, treated her, and touched her.
"Especially when it comes to casual partners, passion and intimacy can make up for a lot of different shortcomings," Dr. Vrangalova says. "It’s not even a particular skill. Those kinds of things — being passionate and present — those are based on intention. You just have to want to do them or act that way."
Illustrated by Paola Delucca
Pile Driver
This one requires some flexibility and might work better on a carpeted floor. Lay on your back. Then, swing your legs back and over your head to get your feet close to the ground. Your partner can help by lifting your butt up and over. (If you practice yoga, this is the one called "plow pose.") Then, your partner squats on top of you and enters you from above.
"If the guy can get positioned over [his partner], he doesn’t have to do that much work, just hold himself up," Kendrick says. Bonus points if you spread your legs — that’s called the Spread Eagle.
Illustrated by Paola Delucca
It’s easy to think flexibility is just a novelty factor for sex, but it can be a game-changer, especially when it comes to deepening penetration. For guys who are worried about their penis size, improving flexibility in the hips is key.
"Guys are typically more stiff and they don’t have a great deal of coordination in the hip region, but the ability to move and manipulate hips is actually the ability to move and manipulate your penis," Kendrick says. "The more a guy can press his hips forward, the deeper he can penetrate."
To improve flexibility, guys can try a couple of basic yoga stretches: upward facing dog and frog pose, the ultimate hip opener.
"Any position where he’s straddling [his partner] will benefit from that," Kendrick says.
Illustrated by Paola DeluccaLike what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
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