In Yeezus’ mind, he’s the Confucius of our time. Every interview and tweet is a chance to drop some more earth-shattering knowledge on the previously unenlightened world. Heck, Kanye even managed to turn a recent deposition into a mission statement (“I’m in the business of trying to make dope shit for the world”) and an etiquette lesson “You have to ask for a hall pass. You can’t just say the ’n’ word around me”).
In a way, he’s our very own Jack Handey. Unlike SNL ’s resident deep-thinker, however, the humor in Kanye’s platitudes is probably unintentional. Contrition and humility aren’t Ye’s style, but maybe we can all learn a little something from his narcissistic rambling.
Step into the flashing lights and start seeing things the Kanye way, friends.
“I have driven my Truman Show boat into the painting. I have hit a glass ceiling.” — in a BBC interview
"Would you believe in what you believe in if you were the only one who believed it?" — source unknown
“Is your daughter stalked by like, drones? Are there drones flying where she’s dying to learn to swim at age 1? Wouldn’t you like to just teach your daughter how to swim without a drone flying? What happens if a drone falls right next to her? Would it electrocute her?” — from a 2014 deposition
“Carine Roitfeld is the Walt Disney of what Tumblr is today.” — in GQ
“We shine because they hate us, floss ’cause they degrade us.” — from “All Falls Down ”
"I am God's vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live." — on VH1’s Storytellers
“Earth.” — in response to a lawyer asking where he lives, deposition 2014
“We have to remember Rome wasn’t built in one day. But the Internet is the new Rome.” — on a Cannes Lions panel
“I don't have fangs. I'm a porcupine. I'm a blowfish.” — in GQ
“When I think of competition it's like I try to create against the past. I think about Michelangelo and Picasso, you know, the pyramids.” — per Slate
"I went to look at your Twitter and you were wearing cool pants... I screen grabbed those pants and sent it to my style team #Wizwearscoolpants. " — a sampling of tweets from his Twitter feud with Wiz Khalifa.
"You know I think about when I'm in the grocery store with my daughter and I have a really great conversation about fresh juice... and at the end they say, 'Oh, you're not that bad after all!" — his speech at the 2015 VMAs speech after winning the Video Vanguard Award.
" The Matrix is like the Bible of the post-information age.... When the hundred guys come at Neo, those are opinions, that's perception, that's tradition. Attacking people from every which angle possible. If you have a focus wide and master senseis like Laurence Fishburne and you have a squad behind you, you literally can put the world in slow motion." — speaking at Oxford University.
"It's funny because I was sitting there with [President Barack] Obama and Leo's [DiCaprio] is talking about the environment and I'm talking about clothes. And everyone looks at me like that's not an important issue or something." — on The Ellen Degeneres Show.
"I want the clothes to almost go away, to almost be invisible, to be one with the personality. You know when you see people’s dogs look like them? I want people’s clothes to look like them." — interview in Vanity Fair.
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