Actress Megan Fox is a curious one. The former model rose to fame starring alongside Shia LaBeouf (an even curiouser one) in the Transformers movies and has puzzled moviegoers and the media alike ever since. Why? We really want to label her, but she doesn't make it easy. Is she the sexiest woman in the world, or, as she insists, an insecure mess? Is she a caterer to the misogynistic male gaze or a badass feminist? And — as you'll be asking yourself in a few minutes after reading this — does she say crazy shit every time she talks to a journalist to get a rise out of people or is she just letting her freak flag fly? (Or could the woman be...all those things at once? GASP!)
The one-time model, who has two children with hubby of six years Brian Austin Green, turns 30 today. And she has something to say about everything. Zac Efron? She has feelings. Chinese food farts? You got it. Women hating her? Yeah, she has some thoughts. Some of Fox's musings will have you nodding along — they're the kind of things lots of people probably think, but don't talk about because, well, filters. Others are just WTF.
We've pared down what easily could have been an encyclopedic catalogue of ridiculousness to 30 of her most outrageous quotes. And every single one is a gem. You'll want to bookmark this one for the next time you find yourself asking, WWMFD?
On Her Poetry
"Sometimes, it's an angry anti-man poem, and sometimes,I'm just being funny and cute. Some of it is really disturbing, some really insightful, and some just bullshit. Sometimes, I'll just rant about something someone does on a plane. Or about an interview on a horse."
— Esquire , 2009
Photo: Matt Baron/BEI/REX Shutterstock.
On Her Crush On Olivia Wilde
"Olivia Wilde is so sexy, she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerizing. ”
— GQ , 2008
Photo: Jim Smeal/BEI/Rex Shutterstock.
On How Actors Are Like Prostitutes
"Acting is a very weird thing. We get paid to feign attraction and love. When you think about it, we're kind of prostitutes. Other people are paying to watch us kissing someone, touching someone, doing things people in a normal monogamous relationship would never do with anyone who's not their partner. It's really kind of gross."
— GQ U.K. , 2009
Photo: Transformers/REX/Shutterstock.
On Vaginas
“[My secret is] a powerful, confident vagina. Men are scared of vaginas.”
— Rolling Stone , 2009
Photo:
On SAT Words & ScarJo
“I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against — but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that.
— Esquire , 2009
Photo: Broadimage/REX Shutterstock.
On Women Hating Her
“Women tear each other apart…Girls think I’m a slut, and I’ve been in the same relationship since I was 18. The problem is, if they think you’re attractive, you’re either stupid or a whore or a dumb whore. The instinct among girls is to attack the jugular.”
— The New York Times , 2009
Photo: Matt Baron/BEI/REX Shutterstock.
On Fucking With Hollywood Playboys
"I make it a mind game so they don't know if I'm hitting on them or mocking them. Male actors drop lines about their private jets, trying to seem powerful, but I don't give a shit. I don't need someone else's power. I'm obtaining my own."
— Cosmopolitan , 2010
Photo: Broadimage/REX Shutterstock.
On The Latent Meaning Of High School Musical
“Okay, well, let me tell you what it's really about. High School Musical is about this group of boys who are all being molested by the basketball coach, who is Zac Efron's dad. It's about them struggling to cope with this molestation. And they have these little girlfriends, who are their beards. Oh, and somehow, there's music involved. You have to get stoned and watch it."
— Esquire , 2009
Photo: Theo Kingma/REX Shutterstock.
On The Acting Caliber Of Transformers
“Sure. I mean, I can’t sh-t on this movie, because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don’t want to blow smoke up people’s ass. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting.”
— Wonderland , 2009, via Entertainment Weekly
Photo: Moviestore Collection/REX/Shutterstock.
On Being Zac Efron
“Zac Efron is my obsession, we’re the same person. We’re not actually here, it’s like Janet and Michael Jackson. He just puts on his wig and a dress, and it’s me, and you don’t know that. It’s one of the greatest mysteries of all time."
— At The GQ Men Of The Year event, 2008, via Jezebel
Photo: Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images.
On Farting
“If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like — you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.”
— GQ, 2008
Photo: Picture Perfect/REX Shutterstock.
On Being Bisexual
“I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I'm also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I'd never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man."
— Esquire , 2009
Photo: Stewart Cook/REX Shutterstock.
On How Michael Bay Is A Loser Dictator
"He’s like Napoleon and he wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So, he’s a nightmare to work for, but when you get him away from set, and he’s not in director mode. I kind of really enjoy his personality, because he’s so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all...He’s vulnerable and fragile in real life, and then on set, he’s a tyrant."
— Wonderland, 2009, via EW
Photo: Peter Brooker/REX/Shutterstock.
On Zero Tattoo Regrets
“I wouldn’t regret [my 'Brian' tattoo] if we weren’t together. I can always have a kid and name him Brian. There are options.”
– FHM, 2007, via Bustle
Photo: Granitz/WireImage.
On Her Psychoses
“I think that I’m so psychotic and so mentally ill that if I could tap into that, I could do something really interesting.”
— Entertainment Weekly , 2009
Photo: Getty Images Entertainment.
On Craving Her Some RPattz
"I would eat Rob Pattinson so that I could steal some of that pretty. I wanna be pretty like he's pretty. I want that James Dean, that sexy-ass hair."
— E! Interview at Comic-Con, 2009,
Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage.
On Low-Key Public Groping
"I don’t understand why they’re [the photos ] scandalous...I touch him all the time. It’s just like, if you have a girlfriend, you grab her butt or whatever...For me, touching Brian’s dick for two seconds — that’s not part of our sex life. That’s me playing around; you know, you just cup it a little. For a few seconds.”
— GQ , 2008
Photo: Paul Archuleta/FilmMagic.
On Posing For Men’s Magazines
“When I sit down to talk to men’s magazines, there’s a certain character that I play...She’s not fully fleshed out — she doesn’t have her own name — but she shows up to do men’s-magazine interviews. There’s something so ridiculous about always being in your underwear in those magazines, and you know the interview is going to run opposite those pictures. So, there’s a character that talks to all of them.”
— The New York Times , 2009
Photo: Courtesy of Sante D'Orazio/Esquire.
On Angelina Jolie Being A Vampire
"People see a dark-haired girl with tattoos who's in an action movie, and it's, 'She's the next Angelina...' But I have nothing in common with her. If someone were to tell me she's a vampire, I'd go 'Yeah, okay, totally.' How come Angelina doesn't look any different than when she did Tomb Raider? It's because she's actually a 900-year-old vampire."
— Cosmopolitan , 2010
Photo: Picture Perfect/REX Shutterstock.
On Being A Hermit
“A) I have no friends and B) I never leave my house.”
— SciFiNow , 2009
"I could go days, weeks without talking to another human being. I could probably go months and be perfectly satisfied. Easily. "
—Allure , 2010, via E!
Photo: Dave Allocca/StarPix/REX Shutterstock.
On Being Called Sexy All The Damn Time
"I just don't like being called sexy, it embarrasses me. I'm in a situation where I get lots of compliments all the time. I'm very lucky. People tell me that I am beautiful and that I am sexy all day, but I hate it. I don't know how to react. It's embarrassing. How would you feel if people called you the most sexy person in the world ALL day? It's strange, you know."
— Sunday People , 2009
Photo: Matt Baron/BEI/Rex Shutterstock.
On Disney Stars’ Nude Photo Leaks
“With any of the Miley Cyrus shit, or any of that Vanessa Hudgens shit — I would never issue an apology for my life and for who I am. It’s like, Oh, I’m sorry I took a naked, private picture that someone is an asshole and sold for money. I’m sorry if someone else is a dick. No. You shouldn’t have to apologize. Someone betrayed Vanessa, but no one’s angry at that person. She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney.”
— GQ , 2008
Photo: Broadimage/REX/Shutterstock.
On Shutting Down Smug Assholes
"There are some guys who are very egocentric and have been able to sleep with a lot of girls for whatever reason, and because they don't know me, they think I'm going to be this little cupcake, this Marilyn Monroe type who's going to bat my eyes and be like a receptacle for them. I just shut them down immediately, right in front of people. It's been so long since someone has told them no, they don't really know how to deal with it. Because of this non-reality they live in, they're fucked up, psychologically."
— GQ U.K. , 2009
Photo: Stewart Cook/REX Shutterstock.
On Stabbing Her Fiancé
“My temper is ridiculously bad. I’ve had to say to Brian, ‘You have to go and stop talking to me, because I’m going to kill you. I’m going to stab you with something, please leave.’ I’d never own a gun for that reason. I wouldn’t shoot to kill. But I would shoot him in the leg, for sure.”
— Rolling Stone , 2009
Photo: Gene Duncan/Disney/Getty Images.
On Whether She Thinks Her Looks Go Against Her
“It pisses me off when people f**king say that. When people complain about, ‘I’m too beautiful to get this part.’ That’s bullshit. You wouldn’t be working if you weren’t attractive. Hollywood is the most superficial thing you could possibly be a part of and if I weren’t attractive I wouldn’t be working at all.”
— SciFiNow , 2009
Photo: Theo Kingma/REX Shutterstock.
On Cooking
"I’ll starve to death before I’ll cook for myself. I think I could survive a week without eating.”
— Allure , 2010, via E!
Photo: Parra/Wire Image.
On Her Sex Drive
"I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy. My sex drive is so high. I'd rather have sex with Brian all the time than leave the house. He doesn't mind."
— FHM , 2007
Photo: Dave Allocca/StarPix/REX Shutterstock.
On Falling In Love With A Stripper
"I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop [a strip club on Sunset Boulevard]. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. I was there all the time...I bought her things — perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man...I’d get lap dances so I could get to know her and I’d give her what I thought were great little sound bites of inspiration... She smelled like angels."
— GQ , 2008
Photo: Jim Smeal/BEI/Rex Shutterstock.
On Her Germ Phobia
"Every time someone uses a bathroom and they flush, all the bacteria is shot into the air...Putting my mouth [on silverware] where a million other mouths have been, just knowing all the bacteria that you carry in your mouth? Ucch!"
— Allure , 2010, via PopSugar
Photo: VCG/Getty Images.
On Dating Joan Jett
"Joan would never date me, but I would date her like this!" Megan says, snapping her fingers. "I love her. Of course, I've never met her, and she would probably hate me, and then I'd cry for weeks."
— Cosmopolitan , 2010
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